Lucky Girly!!!!!

So, this week has been pretty tough for me. I have had some really great days, but I have had some really bad days as well. Just trying to process all of this is overwhelming. I'm giving it all I have, but sometimes it just takes a little while.

When I forget how lucky I am, it seems that there is someone making me smile!!! I got a call, just minutes ago from my mom and she directed me to a website for the John Hancock Show and I hurried to check it out. He's a local radio personality and great friends with The Avett Brothers. There is audio of an interview he did with Scott Avett just before they opened the show for The Dave Matthews Band at Verizon Wireless Ampetheatre in Charlotte. Not only did they mention my t-shirts, but there is a link to my blog on John Hancock's home page. Talk about exciting!!! The amount of support and love that comes my way on a daily basis is awesome. Thank you ALL!

Make sure you continue to check out The Avett Brothers music and go see them when they come to your town. They are really great friends and already have done more for me than I can ever express in words!

Thanks once again to John Hancock and Dolph Ramseur for showing their support! And welcome to anyone new who found this through their outreach!!! I am honored!!!

Love and Gratitude,
Tara

Tara shirts and Tara stickers

Hey, what do you know....this image was spotted on http://theavettbrothers.com

It's so cool to feel the support! I thank everyone who has bought t-shirts thus far and as I have said before, it's not too late.... Because there is no clinical trial at this time that will help my situation, I think I have come up with a very worthy place to put the money. I will reveal my plans as they become more concrete.

The other fun thing is hearing the stories of TARA sticker sightings. The best part is....they all seem to see the same car. Mitch and Laurie Agnew are rocking that sticker on their black Element all over the state. 4 sightings so far. If you have a minute, snap a photo of your TARA sticker and send it to me @ ikickcancersass@gmail.com I'll stick your photos up here....same with your t-shirts.

Love and Gratitude!
Tara

a little info....

Doug Engstrom 2001

I will start with the T-shirts:
Those girly shirts are FAR too small. So, if you got one and it doesn't fit, let us know and we will make it right. Any shirts ordered from now on will only be in the men's sizes. You can continue to get in touch with Gus on that front: eengstrom@carolina.rr.com You can look back at the blog archives for a photo of the shirt. It's pretty cool....Although no longer fully true. I can't have my scooters anymore. But, it was a fact at the time.

Next, our friend, Dolph Ramseur, manager of The Avett Brothers sent out an email today that made my heart soar. It is so nice to have such great friends. I am going to copy the email here for any of you who weren't on the list:

>>>>>

April 18th was National Record Store Day and The Avett Brothers stopped by Grimey’s in Nashville, TN to perform a few songs and sign some autographs. Grimey’s is one of the best record stores in America and have always given The Avett Brothers a lot of support in the Music City. Over 1,000 people turned out to catch the Brothers sing a few songs. A few climbed trees and many climbed fences to join in on the celebration. At 2:22 of this video (link provided below) you will see the crowd helping the guys out. Pretty impressive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3-kGwYvigc

You will notice Scott Avett wearing a Tara Engstrom Has A Posse And I’m In It t-shirt while performing at Grimey’s. Tara is great friends with The Avett Brothers. She is putting up a great fight against breast cancer and is a huge inspiration to many. The Brothers were very honored to play a private party in February for Tara, her friends and family. It was a very special night and something that will never be forgotten. For more information on Tara and her battle against the big C please visit her blog at: http://illkickcancersass.blogspot.com/ To order a shirt please contact her brother - Gus Engstrom at: eengstrom@carolina.rr.com
Yours In Truth,
Dolph

<<<<<

Please go to www.theavettbrothers.com and buy their music. Available on their website, on itunes, various online retailers or your local record store. In addition, go check out Amy's pictures of the pep rally one more time and from there go to the flickr page to see all photos: 627photography.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/amyhill627/sets/72157614351654861/

Thanks once again for reading and I will update as soon as there is something to tell you. I did fall down the stairs last night, that was NOT fun. But other than having a bruised butt and needing my cane again, I think I will be okay!!!!

The photo attached is one of my favorites of my uncle Doug and I thought anyone who knows him and reads this blog would appreciate it!!!

love and gratitude,
Tara

A long overdue update

I would like to start by apologizing for my being remiss in keeping everyone updated.  It has been a very long and interesting month for me.  

I will first update everyone on the most important thing that has happened in my life this year.  My dear uncle Doug lost his battle with cancer on April 3.  I was in Kansas for 2 weeks spending some time with him and our family.  It was a wonderful thing to do my small part to help him pass from this world.  He was (despite the fact that I am biased) an amazing man who touched many lives in his far too short life.  He is missed by all who knew him and I am thankful that I got to be related to him and know him my whole life.  Thanks to everyone who helped us with the 1000 cranes.  We got them strung and showed him.  He was able to make a wish and we feel pretty sure he got what he was hoping for!

I probably wore myself out a bit in Kansas.  I didn't take my naps and I was very preoccupied with my family time.  So, I came home a very tired girl.  I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Steffens on Monday of this last week.  It went well and we discussed my options.  1) do nothing  2)continue to do the lupron (which had obviously stopped working) 3)chemotherapy: which has nothing to back it up in the research department as to it's effectiveness for bone mets in my femur or 4)begin a regimen of Lupron every 85 days, Faslodex and Zometa once every month.  We decided to go with option 4.  

I had a PET scan on Thursday and had a call on Friday that Dr. Steffens wanted to see me Friday.  I was sure it was just because he missed me.  (it has to be tough to go a whole week without me! :)  It turned out that the pet scan showed some activity in one lymph node in my abdomen.  It was somewhere close to 2 cm large.  I really hated getting that news.  I wasn't really sure how it would change the treatment plan we had decided on.  Dr. Steffens made the point that it is only one lymph node out of all of the lymph nodes in my entire body.  I responded with the fact that one lymph node was how this all got out of hand starting in 2000.  He understood my concern.  It is his opinion that we have time on our side, for right now.  He would still recommend that I go to the Faslodex and the Zometa, along with the Lupron for now. We will rescan in 8 weeks and if necessary, we will take another look at the chemo option.  There will (positively) be no growth that could change my prognosis in those 8 weeks.  As I have said before, he is my doctor, I chose him, I trust him and I am going to go with this.  As a matter of fact, we started yesterday and I received my 2 shots of Faslodex in my hips and my infusion of Zometa before I left yesterday.  There are no side effects (other than a sore-ish butt) from the shots and I have taken Zometa before and never had a problem.  

I am remaining hopeful for the time being.  I am scared, I am sad, I am angry, I am frustrated and most of all I am weary.  This is just about a sucky as it gets.  I'm tired of this being my lot in life.  I have been so wrapped up that I forgot my (stem cell transplant) birthday on the 12th and keep thinking of the fact that April 20 will be the 9 year anniversary of my very first diagnosis.  It has been a long 9 years.  BUT....I will fight to stay alive for every bit of time I am given.  

It is very late and I am tired, so I think I will end this post for now.  I will pop on a photo of the tattoo that I am going to get, very soon.

Thanks once again, for caring enough to read my drivel!  Keep you vibes / prayers coming as I am sure I need them!

Love and gratitude, 

Tara