Doctor

Today I am going to an appointment with Dr. Steffens. I have had some pain in my right knee this week when I walk, so he sent me first for x-rays. Now I'm sitting waiting to check in. Blah! I hope I'm not late for the appt with Steffens! This place is a mess!

I had a request for more wig photos, so here's today's wig:









I got this wig at the new AWESOME shop at the hospital, Wishing Well! It's a fabulous shop for people in treatment as well as caregivers. If you ever go to CMCNE, check it out! There's actually something for everyone.

Love & Gratitude!

iPhone + photos! Awesome!

Chemo

So, this week I have cone to realize that I am tolerating chemo much better than I once thought. My former chemo nurse, Angela, made the point that I am in a tough regimen. If I take my compazine and change my low dose fentenal patch, I am almost feeling normal, with a bit of fatigue. So, I have no excuse for the woe is me! But I am tired.

Today, Eric and I are "out on the town." starbucks and Ikea! I am wearing my FREE wig! I even snapped a photo





I love it!

So on the trip to Ikea (dangerous) we found a media center that we just love in the as is room. All assembled and close to 1/2 price! We load it on the cart then Eric says, how are we getting this home. The Smart car is not conducive to large pieces of furniture. I have to call Gus to come and get it! He's not too happy, but he does it and I appreciate it!!!




We love it!!!

So we head home happy kids and excited to get it all set up!

Love and Gratitude,
Tara


iPhone + photos! Awesome!

bringing tears to my eyes!!!

Everyone must immediately go to

Amy's Blog


Read what my dear friend Amy has to say! Then go to:

http://store.bambako.com/product/tara-100-for-the-cure

What an amazing thing to do! Buy one of these adorable headbands, I know I will!!!!

Love and gratitude,
Tara

[i wrote this on my iphone...sorry no photos!]

I got a photo to work on my new app! Isn't it awesome!

write write write your blog...

I think I may be the worst blogger ever! I never take the time to let everyone know what's going on. I have taken to blogging on my phone and therefore, no photos this entry!

Well, 2 weeks after I had my port placed, I was back under the knife. The port had come unattached and flippedd. They ended up sending me to radiology to have it manually flipped back (PAINFUL) and accessed there for chemo. Today marks 2 weeks since the last surgery and Dr. Moore got that thing straight! He's awesome! He even told me that if he had to, he would use baling wire. I like a sense of humor in my doctors.

So, chemo is going right along. I have lost my hair...photos soon. I have 4 fabulous new wigs, so you never know if I'll be bald or wigging out.

The pain from the chemo is being held at bay with a VERY low dose pain patch. I don't feel doped up, but I am generally able to function. I haven't driven in about a month, but that's okay. I just know my reactions aren't what they should be.

I got another tattoo. This one is in honor of my dad. Pizza Hut Pete with his signature. It looks great! I think this will be it, if everyone would just stop dying on me.

Well, I will post more later and even some pics!

With love and gratitude,
Tara

[i wrote this on my iphone...sorry no photos!]

Surgery Today

I am getting ready to go to CMCNE where Dr. Moore is going to put in a port to make once-a-week chemo easier! I will have surgery today and the weekend to recover, then back to the grind of chemo on Monday. To help keep my spirits up, my cousins, Barry and Jeff, will be in town for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the laughs!

Love and gratitude,
Tara

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

the news

I am sorry it has taken me a week to update everyone on THE NEWS! I did my PET & Bone Scans last week and called Dr. Steffen's office first thing Thursday morning to find out results. Karey got back with me that afternoon and I did not get good news. The pet scan showed activity in lymph nodes in my lower abdomen (near my right kidney), my upper abdomen (near my aorta) and under my right arm. The bone scan showed that there is improvement in those original tumors but, paradixically, there is new activity in my ribs, right femur, left femur, left tibia and on the outer skull. So, needless to say, the time has come for a change of plan.

I started chemotherapy yesterday. I will be continuing on the Zometa and the Lupron, but we are stopping the Faslodex. I started a once a week regimen of Taxol and an every other week Avasten. The treatment took FOREVER. I got to the hospital @ 9am to get some x-rays of those bones in the left leg and Tina (IV QUEEN) Cull put in my IV. Then I headed over to the cancer center for my treatment. Of course, I dosed myself on Xanex and slept through most of it, but we didn't leave until 6:45 yesterday evening.

I brought my entourage, Mom, Gus, Eric, Mary Ann Chopko and Tina! I saw some if my old friends from over the many years I have been a patient there and overall, it was a pleasent experience.

This morning, I am feeling a little pukey, but not too bad. I will start losing my hair in 2-4 weeks. I have an appointment with Dr. Moore (the surgeon who did my mastectomy) at 10.15 today and sometime this week he will put a port in my chest to give those poor old veins a rest!

Overall, I accepted so much of this a long time ago and I am not ready to give up the battle! Continue sending your vibes my way and with everyone's help, I just might win this fight!

Love and gratitude!
Tara

And, I must give my mother a public shout-out for my new Ikea chaise lounge! I will be recovering in style and comfort! Thanks Mom!

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Beginning of European Vacation

So, I guess I will dedicate this post to our trip to Europe.

On September 8, mom and I boarded a flight to Chicago, where we met up with my cousin, Sarah and my aunt, Gloria. The four of us then flew to Rome, Italy. I knew this was going to be a fabulous flight as soon as we got on the plane. A woman knocked me backwards into my bag and mom and it hurt my leg, then we were seated in the VERY back row where there was no way to lean your seat back. I went into full panic mode. To top it off, there was some kind of box under every right and left aisle seat. The middle row of seats were fine, but the aisle seats were ALL kinds of messed-up. My mother, with her newfound bravery, marched straight to the flight attendant. She told them that her daughter had surgery recently and she would not be able to sit in that seat. I have a serious problem with sitting anywhere, except the aisle. The very kind flight attendant moved us to some seats in the middle row. It was not a full flight, thankfully. It was, however a long flight. I dozed on and off until we arrived in Rome.

Sarah had arranged for us to stay in a condo near the Vatican. The owner of the condo had arranged for a car to drive us from the airport, so we would not have any problem getting to our destination. The place was lovely! I mean, it was really beautiful. The owners met us there to give us the keys and they were very nice.

The first thing on my list of to-dos was to get a hold of a phone. Mom and I needed to be able to stay in touch with Gus for Sonic business and things. Mom and Gloria went immediately to sleep, nice long nap and Sarah and I took off on foot, cameras in tow to find the Vodafone store. I had a phone I had gotten in Ireland, but lost the charger. It would have been nice if I could have just gotten a new charger and sim card. But, I had to buy a new phone. It was a very long walk to the store and Sarah and I were tired and hungry by the end of the trip. We did get some gelatto, but we hadn't really eaten since we were on the plane. We took a cab back to our home away from home and found our sleeping beauties still sleeping. We roused the girls to head out and eat dinner. Little did we know, in Rome, there is no dinner until 7. Restaurants serve pasta starting at 7 and pizza starting at 8. We walked the streets trying to find an open spot, where we wouldn't have to wait so long to eat! We found a place down the main street in our neighborhood. The food was awesome, the waitress was friendly and we were all so happy. That was the end of day #1 in Rome.

The next day, it was urgent that I get some new shoes. I couldn't walk. The shoes I brought along KILLED my feet. We took a cab to Via Del Corso, to the Camper store. I can always count on Campers to take care of my tootsies. After the shopping, we went into a church and looked around. We lit candles for Doug and Dad and then decided it was time to eat. We sat down outside at a little restaurant and guess who was sitting at the next table over.....It was Joan Collins. Yep. The photo is the proof. After lunch I went home sick sick sick. The girls did some fun shopping. I hit the pharmacy and got some medicine. I stayed in bed the rest of the day and the entire day after.

I will give more details on the next post. But, I will update everyone on my medical situation. I came home and had a voice message from Dr. Steffens' nurse. It turns out that Dr. Steffens wants scans. One set of markers was up just a little and the other set of markers was in the normal range. I have a PET scan scheduled for tomorrow and a bone scan scheduled for Wednesday. I'll let you know when I get some information.

This is the church we visited

Sandy and Joan Collins

I will post some more photos as I get around to updating the days of the trip. For now, I hope you enjoy the two photos above.

Love and Gratitude!
Tara

As you read this, the new Avett Brothers cd has been released. Everyone run out and buy I And Love And You!! It is so wonderful and I couldn't be prouder of my dear friends! Support these talented guys!

to continue

So, after we returned from Kansas, life continued to move on. We had so much to take care of, there was far too little time to grieve.

Fortunately, mom and I had been planning a trip to Europe since the spring. Our travelling companions, Sarah and Gloria lost Doug in April and the 4 of us looked forward to healing in Rome. Dad knew our plans, so it made us feel better about going.

Leading up to the trip, I had an appointment with Dr. Steffens. We decided to take blood and not get the results until after the trip. This way, I get to be blissfully ignorant on my trip. I will call in first thing Wednesday morning and see what we have to deal with!

We left for Rome on Sept. 8. The Friday before we left, my mom asked if I had my passport, yet. Given my stressful year, I was very remiss in getting my passport renewed. I had gone to Congressman Kissell's office in August to get my passport rushed. I tracked the package and knew it had been delivered to DC, so I wasn't worried. But, on Friday, mom reminded me that Monday was Labor day and there would be NO deliveries. We were leaving on Tuesday. I started to panic. I calle the local office and they started to look into it. We called back and forth all afternoon, but after 5, I couldn't reach anyone. My mom is very meek and she shocked me by calling Larry Kissell at home. Things started happening very fast. It turned out that the local office was still working on it and I realized that a friend was in Washington working as Larry Kissell's chief of staff. It was soooo under control! The package never made it to it's destination, so they called the woman from the mailroom back to work to find it. She did and then it was driven to the state dept. and processed that night! Vote for Larry Kissell in 2010!!! He and his staff are awesome.

So, mom and I flew on Tuesday, September 8 to Chicago to meet up with Sarah and Gloria. From there we took off for Rome! We were so ready for this adventure! I'll blog about my trip when I get home!!!

Mobile Blogging from here.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

sad times

This is my blog post for September! I know, where have I been? Well, I have been all over the place and there is so much to tell. 2 weeks of recovery from my surgery. I didn't have all of my facuties, due to copius amounts of pain medicine. It was very difficult to get my pain under control. In the end, we went with a Fentenal (sp?) patch. It really helped. My aunts Pippy and Gloria came for a visit a week after my surgery. We had a lovely few days and mom and I even went to the beach with the two of them. We had a nice, relaxing weekend and I didn't even leave the condo from Friday night until we left Sunday afternoon.

That Sunday, Gus was concerned about my dad. He said dad seemed confused and a little wobbly. Mom kept in contact with dad all day and he seemed fine, even insisted he was fine. We got home late inthe evening and dad was already in bed. Eric and I went over to mom's house to watch True Blood and we were there quite late. We had just gotten home when Gus called to tell me that mom had an ambulebce on the way for dad. They were sure dad was having a stroke. Gus picked me up and we headed to the hospital. Dad had suffered 2 strokes in the past and we were concerned, but we knew he was tough! Upon arrival at the hospial, we were told that this stroke was not something he could recover from. It took 2 1/2 hours, but dad passed away in the emergency room. It was the early morning hours of July 20. Pippy and Gloria were still in town and he passed with all of us with him. It was beyond tragic. The world changed in that moment. I know many people reading this understand the awful pain of losing a parent. We were not ready for this and we know that dad was not ready for this.

We had a visitation at the funeral home on Wednesday, July 22. It was overwhelming to see so many people who loved dad come out. We overstayed our welcome by more than 2 hours. It was quite humbling. The funeral the next day was beautiful and again we were humbled by the love!

In the wake of my father's death, we had so much to take care of. We rallied as a family and we got through. My thanks to everyone who held our hands. I hope this explains my absence, a little.

Health: still on the same course of treatment. I had a treatment 1 week after surgery and my bloodwork showed elevated tumor markers. We were unsure if the surgery had stirred up the cells and Dr. Steffens wanted to repeat markers and possibly change course. This was all we needed! More bad news... We took more blood and the markers were still elevated. Dr. Steffens, again wanted to give it more time. I agreed and we went ahead with that treatment.

In the next month, we flew to Kansas to have a memorial service for my father in Junction City. He was born there and his heart remained there until death, so it made sense to bring it full circle. Once again, we were blessed to feel the love from so many people eager to celebrate his life with us. It was a whirlwind trip and offered a bit of much needed closure, but brought with it the reality of his absence. The door to his office remains closed everyday and everyone at work is doing their best to continue on with the work to which he devoted his life. My mother will follow through with the buy-out agreement my father had with his partners in Pizza Hut and we will continue to work to make Sonic prosper. Gus has taken on the role of President of T&S, BRU and he is doing a wonderful job as leader of that company. We will strive to empower our managers with confidence and continue with the high expectations that marked the success my father had in his life.

I will continue this story in the next blog, possibly later tonight. It is dinner time and I am hungry!

Love and gratitude!
Tara

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Hospital Stay

Okay, so I am the worst....

....at updating this blog.  I am soooooo sorry!  I have been asked over and over by both friends and family.  So here it is.  I have had news for quite a while, but just haven't felt up to writing about it all.  

I had a PET scan back a couple of weeks ago and it appears that all of the presence of cancer is shrinking.  This is with the hormone treatment I am doing.  Dr. Steffens said it was a free pass.  I get no side effects and it appears to be working.  It doesn't get any better than that!

My ribs started to hurt pretty badly.  Being the idiot I am, I fell down while chasing my parents dog.  He's a runner and I lost my footing.  It was awful.  So, I went in and had an x-ray.  It showed a new lesion.  UGH!  This was less than a week after the good news about the shrinkage.  What a bummer.  So, I went directly for a bone scan.  Dr. Steffens is not convinced that there is new disease, so we are going to use the bone scan as a baseline for future tests.  I will do PET and bone scans together to see what's going on in there.  Sometimes if there is disease in the bone and it is small the PET doesn't pick up on it.  So, as usual it's more wait and see.  I LOVE IT!!!

Tomorrow morning (or this morning) I am going in for surgery.  I will be having a rod put into my femur to fortify it.  This is good for two reasons.  I will be less likely to break that femur.  It is soooo weakened by the tumor and it was kind of inevitable that I would eventually break it, especially if I kept falling all the time.  The procedure will also mean drilling through my femur and it will get SOME of the tumor in the process.  So, other than being painful, it is the best alternative right now.  I think it will be a relatively quick recovery, so that's good!!!  I will have to spend at least one night in the hospital.  It will all depend on my pain management.  Dr. Ward is my orthopedic surgeon and he wants me to walk on that leg on Tuesday, so that should be interesting.  

Now for the fun.  Keep in mind that I have not personally put any of the stickers up, but that are popping up all over the place around here.  If you see any, snap a photo.  I think it would be awesome if they went viral.  There's nothing wrong with everyone representing.  And I have received 2 photos on Facebook of people enjoying themselves while wearing their Tara T-shirts!  I would love to see more.  And speaking of shirts, Gus has some in stock if you want to order.  Just email him at eengstrom@carolina.rr.com and he will get you going.  Let him know also if you need more stickers.  Steve from Contagious Graphics has made some new stickers with the blog address on there.  They're black and pink.  I dig 'em!  He's the best!  So, scroll down for photos of shirts and stickers!  Leave me some comments just to let me know you're reading this.  Or, if you have trouble with that, email me at: ikickcancersass@gmail.com

As always, 

Love and Gratitude,

Tara

Mary Keller with a beautiful rainbow

Sarah Probert representin'

Spotted at Target in Concord

Spotted at Mayflower in Concord

Spotted at Wal-Mart in Kannapolis (thanks for the photo, Gary!)

Spotted at Best Buy in Concord (Thanks for the photo, Gary)

Cranes and Ramseur Records

My beautiful crane tattoo!!!!

Well, I couldn't be happier with my tattoo! Thanks to Rodney @ Ace Custom Tattoos I think it's perfect and he did such a great job with the most important part of the tattoo....my uncle Doug's signature.

The interview with John Hancock went really well this week, also. It was nice to talk with him and Scott Avett made a surprise appearance to say hello. If you missed our little interview, you can download the podcast. Information in the previous post. Thanks again to everyone at the John Hancock show and Ramseur Records!!!

Tonight, Gus and I are going to be attending Ramseur Records Night at the Visualite Theatre in Charlotte. We will have t-shirts to sell and we will be supporting Dolph and his label's artists! If you're in the area, head out there and say HI!

Love and Gratitude,
Tara

this is my wrist with NO tattoo!

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well. Nothing much different going on here. I have no news about my health. I have now completed 2 rounds of the Zometa (bone strengthener) and Faslodex (hormone therapy). In a couple of weeks, I will have another scan to check on things going on in my body.

This weekend, Mom, Dad, Cameron and I flew to Chicago for my cousin Jeff's graduation from Northwestern Law School. Congrats to Jeff! Get your bar study on...

On Thursday, I am going to Kansas to spend some time with my family out there. It will be a nice long weekend.

Wednesday is a huge day! First, Gus and I are going to call in to the John Hancock Show on 1110am WBT. There is live streaming on the website: hancock.wbt.com just click on the listen tab and listen live. We are supposed to be on between the 8:00 and 9:00 hours, Eastern time. This will be very exciting for us. If you miss it live, you can always listen to the podcast.

At noon that same day, Gus and I will go to ACE Custom Tattoo to get our tattoos from Rodney Raines, the greatest tattoo artist in Charlotte, possibly the world! I can't wait! It's going to be great! So, take a good look at the photo of my wrist, you will never see such again. That wrist will be tatted up. I will update everything after my big day!

Love and Gratitude,
Tara

Lucky Girly!!!!!

So, this week has been pretty tough for me. I have had some really great days, but I have had some really bad days as well. Just trying to process all of this is overwhelming. I'm giving it all I have, but sometimes it just takes a little while.

When I forget how lucky I am, it seems that there is someone making me smile!!! I got a call, just minutes ago from my mom and she directed me to a website for the John Hancock Show and I hurried to check it out. He's a local radio personality and great friends with The Avett Brothers. There is audio of an interview he did with Scott Avett just before they opened the show for The Dave Matthews Band at Verizon Wireless Ampetheatre in Charlotte. Not only did they mention my t-shirts, but there is a link to my blog on John Hancock's home page. Talk about exciting!!! The amount of support and love that comes my way on a daily basis is awesome. Thank you ALL!

Make sure you continue to check out The Avett Brothers music and go see them when they come to your town. They are really great friends and already have done more for me than I can ever express in words!

Thanks once again to John Hancock and Dolph Ramseur for showing their support! And welcome to anyone new who found this through their outreach!!! I am honored!!!

Love and Gratitude,
Tara

Tara shirts and Tara stickers

Hey, what do you know....this image was spotted on http://theavettbrothers.com

It's so cool to feel the support! I thank everyone who has bought t-shirts thus far and as I have said before, it's not too late.... Because there is no clinical trial at this time that will help my situation, I think I have come up with a very worthy place to put the money. I will reveal my plans as they become more concrete.

The other fun thing is hearing the stories of TARA sticker sightings. The best part is....they all seem to see the same car. Mitch and Laurie Agnew are rocking that sticker on their black Element all over the state. 4 sightings so far. If you have a minute, snap a photo of your TARA sticker and send it to me @ ikickcancersass@gmail.com I'll stick your photos up here....same with your t-shirts.

Love and Gratitude!
Tara

a little info....

Doug Engstrom 2001

I will start with the T-shirts:
Those girly shirts are FAR too small. So, if you got one and it doesn't fit, let us know and we will make it right. Any shirts ordered from now on will only be in the men's sizes. You can continue to get in touch with Gus on that front: eengstrom@carolina.rr.com You can look back at the blog archives for a photo of the shirt. It's pretty cool....Although no longer fully true. I can't have my scooters anymore. But, it was a fact at the time.

Next, our friend, Dolph Ramseur, manager of The Avett Brothers sent out an email today that made my heart soar. It is so nice to have such great friends. I am going to copy the email here for any of you who weren't on the list:

>>>>>

April 18th was National Record Store Day and The Avett Brothers stopped by Grimey’s in Nashville, TN to perform a few songs and sign some autographs. Grimey’s is one of the best record stores in America and have always given The Avett Brothers a lot of support in the Music City. Over 1,000 people turned out to catch the Brothers sing a few songs. A few climbed trees and many climbed fences to join in on the celebration. At 2:22 of this video (link provided below) you will see the crowd helping the guys out. Pretty impressive.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3-kGwYvigc

You will notice Scott Avett wearing a Tara Engstrom Has A Posse And I’m In It t-shirt while performing at Grimey’s. Tara is great friends with The Avett Brothers. She is putting up a great fight against breast cancer and is a huge inspiration to many. The Brothers were very honored to play a private party in February for Tara, her friends and family. It was a very special night and something that will never be forgotten. For more information on Tara and her battle against the big C please visit her blog at: http://illkickcancersass.blogspot.com/ To order a shirt please contact her brother - Gus Engstrom at: eengstrom@carolina.rr.com
Yours In Truth,
Dolph

<<<<<

Please go to www.theavettbrothers.com and buy their music. Available on their website, on itunes, various online retailers or your local record store. In addition, go check out Amy's pictures of the pep rally one more time and from there go to the flickr page to see all photos: 627photography.blogspot.com

http://www.flickr.com/photos/amyhill627/sets/72157614351654861/

Thanks once again for reading and I will update as soon as there is something to tell you. I did fall down the stairs last night, that was NOT fun. But other than having a bruised butt and needing my cane again, I think I will be okay!!!!

The photo attached is one of my favorites of my uncle Doug and I thought anyone who knows him and reads this blog would appreciate it!!!

love and gratitude,
Tara

A long overdue update

I would like to start by apologizing for my being remiss in keeping everyone updated.  It has been a very long and interesting month for me.  

I will first update everyone on the most important thing that has happened in my life this year.  My dear uncle Doug lost his battle with cancer on April 3.  I was in Kansas for 2 weeks spending some time with him and our family.  It was a wonderful thing to do my small part to help him pass from this world.  He was (despite the fact that I am biased) an amazing man who touched many lives in his far too short life.  He is missed by all who knew him and I am thankful that I got to be related to him and know him my whole life.  Thanks to everyone who helped us with the 1000 cranes.  We got them strung and showed him.  He was able to make a wish and we feel pretty sure he got what he was hoping for!

I probably wore myself out a bit in Kansas.  I didn't take my naps and I was very preoccupied with my family time.  So, I came home a very tired girl.  I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. Steffens on Monday of this last week.  It went well and we discussed my options.  1) do nothing  2)continue to do the lupron (which had obviously stopped working) 3)chemotherapy: which has nothing to back it up in the research department as to it's effectiveness for bone mets in my femur or 4)begin a regimen of Lupron every 85 days, Faslodex and Zometa once every month.  We decided to go with option 4.  

I had a PET scan on Thursday and had a call on Friday that Dr. Steffens wanted to see me Friday.  I was sure it was just because he missed me.  (it has to be tough to go a whole week without me! :)  It turned out that the pet scan showed some activity in one lymph node in my abdomen.  It was somewhere close to 2 cm large.  I really hated getting that news.  I wasn't really sure how it would change the treatment plan we had decided on.  Dr. Steffens made the point that it is only one lymph node out of all of the lymph nodes in my entire body.  I responded with the fact that one lymph node was how this all got out of hand starting in 2000.  He understood my concern.  It is his opinion that we have time on our side, for right now.  He would still recommend that I go to the Faslodex and the Zometa, along with the Lupron for now. We will rescan in 8 weeks and if necessary, we will take another look at the chemo option.  There will (positively) be no growth that could change my prognosis in those 8 weeks.  As I have said before, he is my doctor, I chose him, I trust him and I am going to go with this.  As a matter of fact, we started yesterday and I received my 2 shots of Faslodex in my hips and my infusion of Zometa before I left yesterday.  There are no side effects (other than a sore-ish butt) from the shots and I have taken Zometa before and never had a problem.  

I am remaining hopeful for the time being.  I am scared, I am sad, I am angry, I am frustrated and most of all I am weary.  This is just about a sucky as it gets.  I'm tired of this being my lot in life.  I have been so wrapped up that I forgot my (stem cell transplant) birthday on the 12th and keep thinking of the fact that April 20 will be the 9 year anniversary of my very first diagnosis.  It has been a long 9 years.  BUT....I will fight to stay alive for every bit of time I am given.  

It is very late and I am tired, so I think I will end this post for now.  I will pop on a photo of the tattoo that I am going to get, very soon.

Thanks once again, for caring enough to read my drivel!  Keep you vibes / prayers coming as I am sure I need them!

Love and gratitude, 

Tara

Gus here...

Well just letting everyone know that Tara is NOW finished with her radiation treatment. She finished yesterday and left for Kansas for a while. Our Uncle Doug is not doing well and she went to be with our dad out in Junction City. I know she is grateful for all your good vibes and thoughts during her treatment. I want to thank everyone who has bought shirts! WE really appreciate it. The most recent order has been picked up from Contagious Graphics and are being delivered (or sent) by tomorrow. Like we have stated earlier, these are being made to order. If you want one, it's not too late! The shirts are $20. We have a Paypal address now to purchase shirts. It is : made.in.kansas@gmail.com If you pay this way, throw in a few bucks for shipping. Let me know if you want to buy one or have any questions. My address is eengstrom@carolina.rr.com

Thanks again for all your love and support.

Gus

Yep, still tired

9 more treatments to go!  WHOO HOOO!!  As I said in the last post, I can tell a big difference in my leg!  The pain is almost gone.  It's so weird to not have that pain.  It's been with me for 4 months and I guess I thought I would always have it.  

Gus, Caleb, Glenda and Amy did some serious work on my house this weekend.  I suffer from hoarder disorder and Gus is great at purging!  They all went through stuff, cleaned and separated trash from things for the big yard sale I am going to have when I feel up to it.  

In related news, Amy moved in and that has been nice, as well.  I think it's going to be a perfect fit.

OK...now for news about treatment.  I spoke with Dr. Steffens' nurse today.  I was trying to get a handle on what is going to happen after radiation.  She said that the research team was looking, but having a little trouble finding a clinical trial for me.  Once I finish radiation there will be no "measurable" disease.  This doesn't mean it will be gone, it means it will be invisible to scans.  So, without "measurable" disease, I don't qualify for most clinical trials.  That was a real bummer for me.  I am not going on to do chemo.  He is going to put me on a drug called Faslodex.  It is a hormone treatment.  It will be a once a month shot.  If I'm honest, this doesn't feel like enough.  One of the things the nurse said on the phone was, "you know you're in good hands?."  I do.  I trust Dr. Steffens.  I don't think he's not doing all that can be done, I think the situation just sucks all the way around.  That first meeting with him last month, he did say that it would be a case of trying to "control" because there wasn't much that could be done.  So, let's all just keep hoping for that miracle.  I am not going to give up!

One thing I'm doing is folding 1,000 origami cranes.  Japanese legend has it that if you fold 1000 origami cranes, you get a wish from the crane.  Long life, cure for illness, etc.  I'm going to cover all my bases and do just that.  I am folding 10 cranes per day.  I have completed 60 and I will finish June 14.  Wish me luck.  And I have started a facebook group for my uncle Doug.  I know he's not going to fold 1000 cranes, but I think if everyone pitches in, we can do it together and get him that wish from the crane.  If anyone not on facebook would like to pledge a few cranes for Doug, let me know.  

Well, until next time!!!

Love and gratitude!

Tara

I'm still tired, but feeling less pain

Radiation is just exhausting.  It seems so easy.  Go in 5 days a week, lay on a table for 15 minutes, go home.  But getting the power of 1000 suns in both the femur and the rib is like getting the power of 2000 suns.  That's lots of radiation!  :)  I guess the radiation is doing it's job.  The pain in my leg has lessened quite considerably.  I am walking with a cane (a cane that has a horn on it :) ) and will continue to do so.  My femur is quite compromised because of the tumor and I will use the cane for safety.  

In other news, I am getting a roommate.  My friend, Amy Joiner is going to move in and live downstairs.  It's a win win.  I need help keeping up with my house and with Margot and Amy gets to live away from home for a little while.  It's going to be great!  I haven't had a roommate in a long time and generally love living alone, but I really do need the help.  And, she's a cool girl.  So, here's to fun times on Sunset Dr.

Well, I left Margot outside to get some air and she is barking like crazy.  I am going to get her and see if we can't take a nap!

Much love, 

Tara

Radiation SUCKS!

I am so tired. So so tired. I could and do sleep all day. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. There's not much news on the treatment front! I'm just sleeping and waiting.

As far as the t-shirt front: I have gotten lots of questions. I really can't answer them. I am trying to direct people to Gus. He talked with the accountant this week and ended up setting up an account for the t-shirt money. From that, there is a paypal account. This should make it easier for everyone. And in the last post, I said to send Gus a cashier's check, when I was supposed to say money order. Anyway. You can always email him at eengstrom@carolina.rr.com. He really does have all the answers! Here is the paypal information he emailed to me: the paypal account for the t-shirts is : made.in.kansas@gmail.com if you are out of town add a couple of bucks for shipping. Gus is going to make an order on Monday afternoon, so get your info to him asap if you want to order a shirt this go round. We can also get toddler and small children's sizes, so get those babies on team Tara!! :)

Lastly, head on over to 627photography.blogspot.com to check out some FABULOUS photos from the pep rally! Amy did an awesome job taking pictures and there is a link to her flickr set so you can see ALL of the photos she took. Thank you AMY!

I have heard from some people that they are having trouble leaving comments on the blog. I am sorry, I don't know the reason for this. If there is something you want to say, you can always email me: ikickcancersass@gmail.com

Much love and gratitude,

Tara

WOW!

Gus has already heard from someone about the shirts. That is awesome, overwhelming and exciting. He asked me to post some information. We are trying to do this on a more cash basis. Neither of us wants to end up having to claim this money as income, so we are going to ask that everyone just get a cashier's check or cash. This way, it won't mess up Gus' account and taxes. The plan, as it is, is for Gus to take the money he made at the pep rally and have the bank cut a check, to be put in a safe until we have a firm grasp on where it's going. I want you all to know that this is on the up and up, even if we seem VERY unorganized. It has just all happened so fast. But, your money will be going to a good place and not toward more amps for Gus or more dolls for me.. :) (who said that's not a good place, you may ask...well, I ask the same thing!!)

So, if you live out of town, please plan to send Gus a cashier's check. If you are local, just get with him and you can do this with cash. His address is:

Gus Engstrom

83 Glendale Ave.

Concord, NC 28025

Include a couple of bucks for shipping if you are far away, that way we can get the maximum amount to the clinical trial.

As far as sizing goes, the shirts are tultex. They are like American Apparel, but they are not as expensive. They run a little small. Follow the link for sizing and then you can have all of your ducks in a row when you contact Gus.

http://www.tultex.net/fj_tees.htm#

Thank you for baring with us as we try to figure it all out. And thanks for supporting me in my fight!!!

Love,

Tara

OKAY....I'm tired

Well, I have started radiation. I went to see the radiation oncologist on Wednesday of last week. Mom and dad and I talked with Stacey, the nurse for quite a while and then we met with Dr. Lankford. He had already come up with a basic plan for my femur. As far as the rib, he still just wasn't sure. I had spoken with Dr. Steffens and he felt sure that they would radiate the rib. So, I put the pressure on Dr. Lankford, as much as I could. It was a great meeting and I really like the staff at the radiation oncology office. I was told that because I am experiencing a great amount of pain in my hip, I would probably get started with radiation quickly. Radiation should help to ease that pain. So, on Thursday, I was back at radiation oncology and they did their scans and mapped out my treatment for the femur. While we were doing that, Dr. Lankford had me point to the pain in my ribs, he marked it, scanned and it matched up with the part that is lighting up on some scans. So, I will also be getting radiation on my rib. I felt very relieved with that news. I left to get some lunch and came back in the afternoon and we got started with radiation on that femur. Dr. Lankford said that I will get 25 treatments on the femur and 16 on the rib. I don't start with the rib until Monday, the 23, because it will not require as many sessions. I will actually finish with the rib before I get finished with the femur.

So, 2 down, 23 to go!!!!

My weekend was AWESOME! My brother is a pretty good guy. Friday night, he threw me a pep-rally!!! I loved it. There were so many of my friends in one place and we ate and drank and talked and enjoyed the musical stylings of The Avett Brothers. It was a very emotional night for me. I was on a high for the entire evening! It's funny how you can feel all emotions more acutely when you are very happy or very sad. I felt very lucky. I always feel like I don't deserve all the love that is shown me on such a regular basis, so I cried all night when I got home. I cried because I felt happy and lucky. I cried because I don't deserve the love and I cried because I was just TIRED! (and maybe a little drunk.) It was a beautiful, special night and I will never forget what I remember... :) I took NO photos, but there were many taken and as soon as I can, I will post them or direct you to sites where they are posted.

One of the special things that Gus is doing for me, in collaboration with our great friend, Steve Munsel is t-shirts!!! The Engstroms love a t-shirt. These shirts are really special and if you are interested, you can email Gus @ eengstrom@carolina.rr.com. The shirts are $20, with proceeds going toward the clinical trial that looks to be doing the most to help my particular situation. We thought about Komen, and it is still a possibility, but maybe we can get in and do our little part with something a little more specific. The design for the t-shirt is based on an early propaganda campaign that Shepherd Fairey did while in design school. You can read about it and see the sticker at:

http//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andre_the_Giant_Has_a_Posse

It's pretty interesting and Gus and I both became interested in Shepherd Fairey's work in the Obama campaign, so it seems like a fun and appropriate thing to do. The design for my shirt is at the top of the page. Just let Gus know if you want one.

Well, thanks again for all of the support and love. I feel it and it makes me stronger!!

Love,

Tara

I would like to give CALEB a big shout-out for the new blog artwork.  I tweaked it a little, but overall, I love what he came up with.  

As for today, I am feeling excited.  I spent the last 2 weeks on a roller coaster and I can truly say that this week, it all begins.  

Wednesday afternoon, I will meet with the radiation oncologist and at that point I will learn how much radiation he plans to give and where.  Once this gets going, I just know I can beat it.

Thanks for everything, everyone!!

Love,

Tara

by the way

Anyone who is interested or didn't know me last time around, you can take a look at my previous blog:

http://phototara.livejournal.com

thanks,

Tara

Third Time's A Charm

Well, friends, here we go again.

It has been 5 short years since I last blogged, but I am once again starting on my journey to healing.  I have been diagnosed with breast cancer for a third time.  This time it is in my right femur.  This stuff really likes my bones.  I have had, in the past 2 weeks, an MRI, a bone scan, a PET scan and a CT guided biopsy.  It appears to also be in my ribs, but we can't tell for sure because it isn't lighting up on the PET scan and it is dangerous to do a biopsy that close to the lungs.

Because there is not a lot of blood flow to the bones, radiation is my best option right now.  They are also researching clinical trials.  I have an appointment next week with the radiation oncologist and at that point I will know exactly where we start with all of this.

It's pretty scary.  When I asked the doctor what it all means for me, he said, "Five to Ten Years."  That seems pretty unacceptable to me, so it's time to fight once again.

The blog is the best way for me to get information out to everyone.  I love all of you so much and wish that I had the energy to speak with each of you personally about this, but I don't.  So, please accept my apologies for the informal manner of relaying information.

I will post again soon, when I know something!

Love,

Tara